Here’s an end to a sticker situation
Moutza Chicago City Sticker is suitable for framing and for most Chicago politicians
Comments (...)(MCT) — The city sticker controversy that has made Chicago a national laughingstock is now, finally and mercifully, over.
Here’s your new city sticker, Chicago.
Take it. It’s “free.”
Today we are proud to offer this fancy designer city sticker worthy of the beleaguered taxpayers of Chicago, who have been “taking it” for decade upon decade from the bossy boys at City Hall. It’s the Moutza Chicago City Sticker, crafted by famed Tribune editorial cartoonist Scott Stantis after a bit of pleading and begging by yours truly. It is obviously a collector’s item, suitable for framing, containing what art historians will call “the Full Mayoral Arby” — but more on that later.
“I think it’s distinctive,” said Stantis.
You betcha, Scott, I said.
“I think the moutza works. And I’m flattered and honored that you asked.”
Chicago is eternally in your debt.
As loyal readers know, the moutza (the outstretched palm thrust forward) is the ancient Greek hand signal of contempt. It’s much nicer than the ubiquitous but sexually aggressive American middle finger. And unlike the finger, the moutza tells the recipient, basically, to get lost.
You thrust the palm forward, you say, “Nah!” (Meaning, “Here, take it.”)
Chicago’s politicians have been giving the people the moutza for years. And now, armed with their own moutza sticker, the people of Chicago can finally say “Nah!” right back at them. For example, did City Hall ask you if you wanted to invite hordes of foreign diplomats, spies and gold-braided generals to the G-8 and NATO summits in Chicago scheduled for May, and with them thousands of shrieking, hairy, angry anarchists?
Of course not.
When you can’t drive through town because the hairy anarchists are occupying the streets, at least you can turn to City Hall and let your city sticker do the talking. Nah! (Here, take it.)
Or, remember when Mayor Rahm Emanuel bragged and bragged that he would preside over the “the most open, accountable and transparent government” in the city’s history? But now he won’t talk about those revenue-producing speed cameras that are coming later this year. The Rahmfather tells you to sit down and shut up.
What do you do?
Nah!
You want another example? Say you’re anticipating your state income tax refund, but you owe for some city traffic tickets — a bill that’s likely to keep climbing because of the Rahmfather’s speed cameras. Under a new plan, the state would hold on to your refund check until you gave City Hall its cut. I’m not making this up. A City Council committee endorsed the idea Tuesday and passed it on to the full council.
Nah!
Or, what about those Chicago Public Schools honchos who passed out millions of dollars in unused sick and vacation days to school bureaucrats and teachers, even though the public schools were (and are) aching for money?
Nah!
The list is endless.
“There are so many things you can do with the sticker,” said Stantis. “It’s just so darn useful. Your readers can print it out.”
Exactly. And if readers do cut it out of the paper or print it out online, then attach it to their car’s windshield, it might very well ward off city parking tickets, right, Scott?
“I really can’t say,” said Scott. “But they can print it out on sticker paper.”
Another feature of the Moutza Chicago sticker is that it can’t be confused with a gang sign, and that was reportedly the problem with the original design.
A 15-year-old boy drew it, City Clerk Susana Mendoza loved it, and he was named the design winner.
Then some law enforcement types alleged that the hands in the design may have been flashing gang signs and Mendoza stripped the boy of his title. And the boy broke down into tears, and the media gave Mendoza the moutza.
Rahm said he had nothing to do with it. Then Mendoza said she’d use the design of the first runner-up, but the girl’s parents declined. They didn’t want their daughter in the center of any controversy.
It got so bad that CNN’s Anderson Cooper did an entire story on it, sided with the young man, and slapped Chicago for being ridiculous. And when Anderson Cooper slaps you around, you know you’ve been slapped.
“This design is the city sticker,” said Stantis, “I’ve just changed out the art. I had fun. But there was only one problem. You asked me to do the Full Mayoral Arby and so I felt compelled to study the Full Mayoral Arby.
“You know what it’s like studying the Full Mayoral Arby? It’s weird.”
I imagine so.
The Full Mayoral Arby refers to Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s middle finger. When he was in high school, he had a job slicing roast beef sandwiches, and he cut deeply into his finger and lost part of it. The Rahmfather has a well-earned reputation as an intelligent, ruthless and profane political operative. And the Full Arby is part of that image. Before he became mayor, he even pointed the Arby at me on occasion, but always with a smile.
“… Rahm, when he was a kid, had lost part of his finger in an accident,” President Barack Obama joked a few years ago, “and it was his middle finger, so it rendered him mute.”
But that’s the great thing about the Moutza Chicago City Sticker. Chicago’s politicians can hear it loud and clear.
Nah!
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