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For victims, leaving an abusive relationship is often a difficult step, experts say

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(MCT) — CHICAGO — Victims of domestic abuse must be emotionally, physically and financially prepared before they can successfully leave a volatile relationship, which is more difficult than it sounds, experts say.

“Fear plays a huge role in not getting out,” said Dawn Dalton, executive director of Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women’s Network. “There needs to be a shift in the way domestic violence is viewed so that when someone is a victim, there isn’t as much shame in standing up and saying, ‘I need help.’ ”

Often, victims are viewed as having done something to cause the abuse, she said.

“Really, people get caught in this web of feeling responsible in this way,” Dalton said.

Counselors recommend that the victim develop a safety plan — including provisions for housing, child care and employment — before ending an abusive relationship.

“The more resources women have, so that they can leave and move on and break away, the better,” said April Zeoli, assistant professor at Michigan State University’s School of Criminal Justice. “If a woman has very little money and nowhere to go, moving out can be very difficult and a stumbling block.”

There are also very real dangers.

“The most important time is when she decides to leave … that has got to be done very carefully,” said Diane Bedrosian, executive director of the South Suburban Family Shelter.

She cited another example, closer to Chicago, of an alleged murder after a reported history of domestic abuse. Murder charges have been filed against the live-in boyfriend of Gena Chiodo, 42, who was last seen Oct. 13 at her Calumet City home.

Though Chiodo’s body has not been found, her boyfriend, Donal Clark, 42, was charged with first-degree murder and concealment of homicide, said Calumet City police Chief Edward Gilmore.

There was “considerable evidence” of foul play, Gilmore said. Clark has a record that includes a conviction for domestic battery involving another woman, police said.

Another period that can be fraught with risk is when orders of protection are granted. They can be helpful to victims, Bedrosian said, but not if the alleged offender is suicidal.

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