It occurred to me tonight that I can never lie to my girlfriend about where I have been. It has never occurred to me to lie to her, but it just now occurred that I shouldn’t.
You see, my girlfriend lives way far away from me, so she can’t really check on me too much. She is real, by the way. I didn’t make her up.
My mom thinks I should not write about my girlfriend so much. I’ve written about her once before and mentioned her briefly one other time. That’s apparently too much for Mom. I think maybe she’s afraid I’ll say too much and screw things up.
This one is a keeper, so I do need to be careful. I’ve only had like six girlfriends in my life and half of them I did make up. So, it’s not like I’ve got a lot of street cred when it comes to girlfriends.
Anyway, I noticed that Jennie had “liked” one of my pictures on Facebook. That’s cool. That’s affirmation.
I had been to – shameless plug ahead – the grand opening for the new Huddle House south of Lebanon and had taken pictures of Fredbird. Jennie knew I was going there, and the pictures I posted online had shown that I had been there, although I know she was never concerned about it to begin with.
It just occurred to me that if I said I was going to be somewhere and I didn’t have pictures online, that could raise suspicion. We will have no suspicion-raising in this regard. Or any other regard. I feel like I’m digging a hole here.
Pretty soon, I’ll say something stupid (again), and Jennie will be all like, “I’m outta here.” And then, Mom will have been right. Moms are always right.
But, no, I saw Jennie this weekend and we had a nice chat, the context of which is sealed under penalty of relationship law. All I’ll say is, “Uh-huh. Yep. Mm-hmm.”¯ And then I’ll shrug. Then I’ll change the subject.
It’s after 1 a.m. as I write this. Of course, I’m thinking about Jennie and I want to send her a text message, but I know she’s asleep 70 miles away. My phone is on silent, so it won’t disturb me if I’m sleeping, but there’s a light indicating I have a new message. And it’s Jennie texting me. Right when I wanted to text her. And that’s how it works.
Yep. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
• David Porter can be reached at email@example.com. This phone is so smart; it will let a designated list of callers through if they dial my phone in the middle of the night; it just won’t let texts, emails or other calls emit a ring. If you want to know if you’re on the special caller list, dial my phone in the middle of the night. If I don’t answer, you’ll know.