Slow plodding White Sox had better warm up

When I came into the office last Wednesday (my usual column night) I had every intention of writing about the Chicago White Sox and what a miserable time they were having. Then I caught word about the collapse of the NCIC and the proposal for a new conference for Morris Community High School to belong to and I had to shelve the idea — at least momentarily.

I decided to write about Morris picking up St. Rita on the football schedule for week 2, as well as suggesting a new name for the yet unnamed conference instead. By the way, I talked to Morris Athletic Director George Dergo and he wasn't in favor of my conference suggestion of Little Sun Valley.

"We don't want to be a part of any conference with the name little in it," he told me.

That left me with a fallback suggestion — Sun Valley Conference.

Anyway, when I realized I wasn't going to be able to write about the White Sox last week, I quickly pointed out to the newsroom that it probably wouldn't matter much because they would probably still be struggling this week. Tuesday night's win notwithstanding, the team has done just that.

So here we go — the first in what will probably be a series of season-long column bemoaning about what a cruddy team the Sox have.

Having said that, I still think the South Siders have a very good shot at winning the division. They may only win 81 games, but a division title is still realistic.

Before the season started, I thought the Sox had the best bullpen in the division. I still think that's true. At the time, I used that as my rationale for picking them to repeat in the Central. Little did I know, however, that the White Sox would be so offensively challenged.

I do not recall ever watching a White Sox team so boring in my entire life. Seriously. I may have seen worse teams but never one that is so uninteresting.  Let me tell you why — and I can sum this up with one awful statistic.

Twice this year ... and I do mean just twice ... the White Sox have won a game in which the opposition has scored more than three runs. That means that of the 16 wins by the ballclub that 14 of those have come when the pitching staff has allowed fewer than three runs.

I know!

Much of the problem is that the Sox are a team who rarely wins when they don't hit home runs. I guess when you hit .245 as a team (fifth worst in the majors) you have to rely on something. And let me tell you, speed is not the one something on this team.

It's one of the things that makes this team so painful to watch. It's either hit a homer of forget it. Considering that the team has just 38 home runs this year (19th in the league) it's basically been forget it.

Wait for the weather to warm up, they say.

The Sox have played 11 of their 38 games against first place teams already, it's been said.

Well, both facts may be true but that doesn't mean the team is capable of playing fun ball. Of the 22 losses so far, 6 have been of the shutout variety.

Yeah, watching the White Sox offense — or paint dry.

Or grass grow.

Take your pick.

I like the pitching staff and the defense is not bad, except for Alexi Ramirez looking scary while trying to turn double plays, but you need to have at least a decent offense to compete.

It looks as though Sox GM Kenny Williams may not have any say in what happens this year. Paul Konerko (who is about the only one hitting consistently), Jim Thome and Jermaine Dye are all free agents after this year. At least two of those slow foots will probably be gone next year and I hope the one who stays signs at a value and knows he is going to DH.

Getting a top of the line free agent to replace any of them is not even necessary as long as Williams can break up this slow-pitch softball team he has assembled to this point.